Sunday, June 16, 2013

Happy Father's Day.....Mom!

A few years ago while checking out at the grocery store, the cashier said to me, "Your husband must have beautiful red hair like your boys", without missing a beat the oldest said, "Oh she doesn't have a husband!"  The cashier looked at me with judgment and said, "Oh well the boys father then."  The look on her face was even more priceless when my son said, "She's doesn't know who our Dad is!"

Father's Day is awkward for the single foster or adoptive mom.  As a foster parent when the kids made a project at school or church for Fathers Day, it was simple enough to say, "Let's give this to your Dad at the next visit!".  Being single was almost a blessing as we didn't have the awkward, which Dad do I give this too discussion like we did on Mother's Day.  Now that my boy's are adopted and have no legal father....things have become more complicated.   Last year I remember my sons decorating a baseball in Sunday School to give to  The baseball originally had "Thanks for all you do Dad" written on it, "Dad" was crossed out by the Sunday School teacher and she had written "Mom" above it, awkward discussions were apparently had when my son tried to explain his situation to the Sunday School Teacher, LOL!

As a single foster/adopt mom I often struggle with the lack of a father for my children.  I know most single mothers struggle with this, but as a foster and adoptive mom to little boys it hits home even more.  My kids have "father's", in fact they have several men that they would consider fathers before they came to me.  Unfortunately each of these men portrayed a father in an extremely negative and deplorable light.  I don't want my children to think that relationship is how fathers are supposed to be, I don't want them to grow up and replicate those "father's".  As a mother I would love to give them a stable and loving father to show them a healthy relationship, but right now that's not in the cards.  Thankfully they have a great Grandpa that steps in and I am so grateful for that!  We will be celebrating with him today!

As a single mom I am attempting to do it all, be a mom and a dad to children that come from traumatic and hurtful backgrounds.  I'm not perfect, it's difficult to be both the disciplinarian and comforter.  It is hard to switch back and forth and too often I find myself stuck in a drill sergeant roll, because without it things can quickly fall apart around our house.  Although that's important, its also important that my boys see me as happy and fun and caring.  For me I have to remember to take a step back, I cannot be both a father and a mother.  I am a mom and I'm a good mom, but I can't do it all.  Remember to take some time for yourself today :)

What about you, how are you celebrating Father's Day today?


  1. Hi!!! It's Deanna @Open Home Open Hearts.

    Yeah, I am so glad you found me.
    I have had such difficulty in finding like minded foster care blogs.
    I look forward to following your blog. And, I'll be back to read up.
    Did you read my lastest blog post about Co-parenting? It actually focused on a touching story of a Single Parent Foster Momma.

    Blessing & God's Peace be yours, Deanna

    1. Deanna, would you like to be added as an contributing blogger and share it here? Or you could just email it to me and I'll repost?

  2. So true about fathers day being weird. In my experience fathers day is loaded for our kids simply because of the lack of fathers (foster kids esp. We didn't have to deal with it too much this year as Sweetie is still young and no FKs at home this year.... but in the years to come, it'll get more interesting for sure! This year we just celebrated all the honorable men in our lives, my father (Sweeties Papa), great brothers in law and good friends. Its enough for now.


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