Thursday, May 30, 2013

I though they'd stop me

We all have them.  A special group of friends whose opinions we listen to and whose advice we follow.  I though mine, my external conscious, would stop me or at least tell me I was crazy.

They didn't.

Right after I turned 30,  a crazy idea popped into my head.  Which for me is a regular occurrence.  Most of my crazy ideas fizzle and fade quickly.   My group of friends knows this.  They help steer my ship into safer waters regularly.  But, when I mentioned becoming a single foster parent - they ALL (every single one) encouraged me to find out more and spoke of they ways it made sense.

I was shocked and thrilled.

I ran with it, attended an information meeting in March and by May, my roommates had moved out and I was officially licensed to be a long-term foster parent.  Adoption was something however, that I was not open to.  I had (and still have) strong views about the importance of fathers in children's lives in the long term. I have seen the heartache in friends lives who have grown up without a Dad in the home and I didn't want that for my "forever" children.  But, I also knew that I could be a soft spot for children in the short term.

My first long term kids came in September and stole my heart away.  At the time, they were 13 years and 14 months old.  They stayed for a year.  After they left, I grieved.  I mourned because of the love I felt for them.     And I was now open to adoption.

In August last year, a social worker who I'd worked with in the past and who knew of my openness to adoption, called me and told me about a little girl who needed an adoptive home.  I said yes and in April 2013, the adoption of Sweetie was finalized.  It is oh so right.

I wouldn't change it for anything, but...  I still have doubts about raising her without a father.  I still have days where all I want is someone to DO this parenting thing with - to sleep in the same bed - to eat at the same table - to hear the same whining - and experience the same joy.  Sweetie and I talk about and pray for her Daddy and my Husband on a regular basis.  Adopting single doesn't necessarily mean parenting single forever.

I am still fostering and am officially open to up to 4 placements of any age.  I am loving being Sweetie's Mom and am waiting for my husband - but am not putting my life on hold until that happens.

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